kids hear the darndest things

When asking kiddos to behave
It seems that they misunderstand
Instead, they’ve heard to act a fool
Which means mom must reprimand

At an ominous event
Where being quiet is required
Such as funerals and church services
They act like they’ve been set on fire

When we are walking through a store
And mom says no to all requests
They’re at the till with gum and toys
Since children could not care a less

When we’re in a public washroom
And mom pleads, “Please don’t touch a thing!”
They will stroke countless objects
Hairballs, buttons, a long red string

Asking them to get along
When mom’s tied up, can't intervene
This means they know we'll turn our back
And they'll undoubtedly make a scene

If they petition for a playdate
But have been acting like a brat
They'll scream and shout and reinforce
Why mom won’t give in to this or that

If we ask them to fetch something
And they actually agree
They soon forget and start to play
Signaling, I’d rather you than me

When the kiddies ask to stay up late
On a school night, so it’s a no
They bounce around from room to room
As if mom instead requested a show

Kids hear the darndest things
They misinterpret what’s been said
The words get flipped, turned upside down
And when mom rage rears its ugly head