mom of the year

Hey there, I'm Mom of the Year
Oh, did you not hear that I won?
I beat out all the other moms
Here, let me show you how it's done...

There were bumps and big bruises
Of course, tantrums galore
There were scrapes and some scraps
And a few dozen times mommy swore

Appointments were missed
Seems mama got the date wrong
The kids late for school again
Because we all took so damn long

Too many times baby's head
Banged hard off the car door
Being plopped in his car seat
I bet my feelings hurt more

Was just the hubby and me
Who took a trip for one week
Our girl cried the whole time
So we brought her back treats

I drove down the highway
With a broken window
In the backseat the kids froze
It was February, you know

I fixed up some trail mix
As a healthy snack while at school
But, forgot I added peanuts
This means I broke the cardinal rule

Our toddler said, “Shit!”
In front of a Priest
Please pray for me, Father
For the time being, at least?

That's darn right; you heard it here
Straight from the winner’s mouth
Mom of the Year is here, guys
I’m guessing next year that heads south